Fyllonotes jag har skrivit på iphonen
You died on my birthday
It was on my sweet sixteen
I was left on the street
Looks like its snow again
Looks like ill wait for you again
It was around 5.15
You wrote and told me
"Looks like Ill leave you again"
Looks like disappointment again
But you were my casual sunshine on a cloudy day
And you left the snow so warm and it felt like may
Looks like its snow again
Looks like disappointment again
I'm at winter of my life
I used to love the sweet feeling of this season high
Looks like it's my turn again
To cry another cold winter night again
--
Jag vill berätta allt jag har känt för dig innan jag kan äntligen släppa dig.
När jag får den känslan blir jag helt besatt
För andra är det helt klart att man väljer stolthet men jag vill ha bekvämligheten av att alltid ha någon att prata med
Du kunde göra min dag genom att bara finnas men jag vill inte att det ska vara en grej, vill sluta vara beroende av det
Oavsett vad du gör är jag glad att du fick mig att må så bra
--
I wish I was oblivious to a lot of things. That would make my life much easier to live trough. I would stop being an insecure, attention-grabbing asshole. I wouldn't run away from my dreams because of petty temporary issues in my head that I make up. I would stop following the wrong voice and follow my heart. I was once innocent at heart but then got corrupted. I have all I wanted once upon a time but I take it for granted and it takes small things to make me feel again. I force myself to love just so I can understand the love songs and to hurt, just to understand the ballads. I force myself to "live" by doing things that are "fun" but as you notice with my quote marks, they don't make me feel. I used to have passions by living through other books and movies but I can't feel them. Not even music can redeem me. I am scared that this is not just a temporary problem. I want to be oblivious of the fact that I can't feel, I have to stop focusing on trying to feel. I have to mute the other voices. I need to be oblivious again.
--
For you I was a drunken mistake, for me you were the best thing that has ever happened.
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